Inhale, Exhale……Just breath!
Yoga has been in my life for almost 10 years now. It has been a dream of mine to spread the love for a while now. I finally took the leap and registered for the Yoga Teacher Training this past August. It has been and continues to be one of the most life changing experiences I have ever had.
Teaching my first Karma Class was a mixed bag of emotions that I am sure all soon-to-be teachers, new teachers and even experienced teachers feel.
The emotions started in September we picked the days we would be doing our Karma Class. My group would be teaching in January. It was almost surreal – January was SO far away.
In October came the stress of knowing the sequence and not being sure if I would be able to remember which pose goes where – let’s not forget about figuring out how to even keep the class on time.
November was calm – feeling more confident in myself as a person, my yoga practice and what I am doing in this program!
December is always a weird month as it is with the stress (good and not so good) of the holidays. I will be the first to admit, I kind of checked out in December.
All of a sudden it’s January! That’s when the real rollercoaster ride began – I went from being confident to not wanting to do it all, from believing I am going to rock it to imagining myself at the front of the classroom not able to speak.
Did I do enough practice teaching? Did I do enough of my own practice? Are my other group members going to blow the class away and I have nothing to offer? How do I work the lights? How do I change the temperature Will I say the “right things”? What will they think of me? Ah! ALL OF THIS FOR 20 MINUTES?!?
It should be mentioned, throughout all those seemingly negative emotions I was also so genuinely happy and proud of myself for being able to say I am doing it. After all, this is as good as it gets!
The day of the class I was feeling pretty good, pretty prepared. Trying not to over think what I was about to do – I mean, how many times have I taught this? I’ve got it. The point that I realized it was different then my practicing up to that point is when almost 30 or so strangers were setting up their mats in the class that I was about to co-teach. For something that was meant to be a selfless act of kindness and a learning experience it had turned into being something that was all about me and my ego.
The class was 60 minutes long and being taught by me and two other teachers in training. We each had 20 minutes to teach and the last 20 minutes was mine. The first 40 minutes of the class was spent anticipating my turn, listening to the tone the two other teachers were setting, what kind of energy was in the class and trying to remember – that in this moment it isn’t about me.
“Downdog” – It was my cue. Five breaths here. Inhale. Exhale. “Laura remember to breath!”, I thought to myself, “ If everything else goes wrong – Just breath through it.”
Looking back now I don’t remember much of the class. I remember the first pose and the last pose. Everything in the middle is a bit of a blur with snapshots here and there. After the class and the feedback I did beat myself up a little bit over this or that, which I think we all do on a regular basis… I could have done this differently or that differently.
I’ve learned a lot and this experience has given me a greater appreciation for what my yoga teachers give to me every time they hold space and lead a class. This Karma Class has given me a base line, somewhere to grow from as a teacher, in my own practice and as a person. On top of what I have gained, it is a great feeling knowing that the Youth Project (and all the other charities) get a bit of a surprise donation to help them along with their cause.
It couldn’t have been done without the love, care, support and direction from everyone in the program with a special mention to our teachers and mentors – you have impacted my life beyond measure, everyone at Halifax Yoga and everyone in my everyday life. Thank you – Thank you – Thank you!